One ray of sunlight.
I opened my eyes after having only slept 2 hours and I saw it. One ray of sunlight coming through the blinds. Straight into my sight.
I am too tired to get up and shut the blinds tighter. I can’t move.
I try to continue sleeping, but the permanent light into my eyes is bothering. Why is this happening?
I get up. It takes me about 5 minutes to move my body out of bed.
I feel numb.
I wonder if the feeling of numbness transferred from my inside to my outside. Could that be the reason why I’m frozen? I do feel cold. And my hands shake a bit. But I guess it’s nothing compared to the chronic ice layer covering my heart. Or is it my soul?
I shut the blinds close.
The sunray is gone.
Have I maybe also shut down the curtains within and forced the light and warmth out? Did that, at some point, happen?
Since the day I decided I was going to be different, all kinds of hardships started to populate and overtake my life.
But, what was I supposed to do? Settle for those mundane things everybody around me were happy with? I couldn’t.
There was a fire inside, keeping me continously dehydrated and hungry for making the flames bigger.
It wasn’t curiosity, nor rebelion. Some may say it was tantrums. Daddy issues. Issues. This and that. Issues.
They used that word ad a synonym of wretched. Damned.
I may have been. I may still be.
Condemned to put the light out of the way.

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