THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 18: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF PAIN IS THROUGH IT

At least that's the only way I have ever known.There is no magical spell or prayer strong enough; or miracle or surprise.When it hurts, it hurts.And no matter how hard you try not to feel the pain; no matter how much you knock yourself down with over-sleeping, over-eating, over-thinking... the torment won't let you breathe.Each … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 18: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF PAIN IS THROUGH IT

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 17: BEFORE THE CHAOS

I can’t really remember much. What was of me before the chaos? When exactly did the chaos start? I can’t remember. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to remember. Maybe it’s because my brain cannot distinguish between what really happened, what I felt that happened and what my nervous system kept inside its cells as … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 17: BEFORE THE CHAOS

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 16: I WANT TO RUN AND HIDE

I’m not sure from who or where to run. I’m not sure where to hide. But that’s what I feel, and intense feeling of inadequacy. It is not worthlessness or lack of self-value. It’s unsuitability for the purpose of coexisting in this world. Or maybe for the “simple” fact of existing. I’m not sure. But … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 16: I WANT TO RUN AND HIDE

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 15: I’M AFRAID I WON’T SLEEP TONIGHT

That’s nothing new. Sleep has become just a yearning for me for the past ten years. It may actually be even longer than that, I lost count of the so many sleepless nights. My problem is that the World is designed in opposition to how my brain works. I just don’t fit in. My brain … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 15: I’M AFRAID I WON’T SLEEP TONIGHT

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 14: CREPEHANGER

No, I’m not talking about anything related to pancakes. I’m also not talking about the actions of demons or specters. I’m talking about this tendency to mostly feel unlit events in relation to people around me, including myself. What I’m trying to say is that this “Beautiful World” is, to my eyes, a different kind … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 14: CREPEHANGER

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 13: A QUICK RECIPE TO BREAK YOUR OWN HEART

It’s simple, just go after the cliché advise of following it. That’s it. You follow your heart, you’ll get a 90% chance of having it broken. The truth is, you never know. Honestly. You never know anything in advance, therefore the outcome of having your heart trashed into millions of pieces is not fully predictable. … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 13: A QUICK RECIPE TO BREAK YOUR OWN HEART

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 12: THERE MAY BE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

It could be the case that some light along this tunnel actually may exist. I want to highlight the “may” part, which I honestly think is more a “might” than a “may”; but you get my point. There is darkness all around. All over. The streets, the cafés, the restaurants, the offices; every single place … Continue reading THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 12: THERE MAY BE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL