THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 3: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF PAIN IS THROUGH IT

At least that's the only way I have ever known.There is no magical spell or prayer strong enough; or miracle or surprise.When it hurts, it hurts.And no matter how hard you try not to feel the pain; no matter how much you knock yourself down with over-sleeping, over-eating, over-thinking... the torment won't let you breathe.Each [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 2: BEFORE THE CHAOS

I can’t really remember much. What was of me before the chaos? When exactly did the chaos start? I can’t remember. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to remember. Maybe it’s because my brain cannot distinguish between what really happened, what I felt that happened and what my nervous system kept inside its cells as [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 1: I WANT TO RUN AND HIDE

I’m not sure from who or where to run. I’m not sure where to hide. But that’s what I feel, and intense feeling of inadequacy. It is not worthlessness or lack of self-value. It’s unsuitability for the purpose of coexisting in this world. Or maybe for the “simple” fact of existing. I’m not sure. But [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 15: I’M AFRAID I WON’T SLEEP TONIGHT

That’s nothing new. Sleep has become just a yearning for me for the past ten years. It may actually be even longer than that, I lost count of the so many sleepless nights. My problem is that the World is designed in opposition to how my brain works. I just don’t fit in. My brain [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 14: CREPEHANGER

No, I’m not talking about anything related to pancakes. I’m also not talking about the actions of demons or specters. I’m talking about this tendency to mostly feel unlit events in relation to people around me, including myself. What I’m trying to say is that this “Beautiful World” is, to my eyes, a different kind [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 13: A QUICK RECIPE TO BREAK YOUR OWN HEART

It’s simple, just go after the cliché advise of following it. That’s it. You follow your heart, you’ll get a 90% chance of having it broken. The truth is, you never know. Honestly. You never know anything in advance, therefore the outcome of having your heart trashed into millions of pieces is not fully predictable. [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 12: THERE MAY BE SOME LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

It could be the case that some light along this tunnel actually may exist. I want to highlight the “may” part, which I honestly think is more a “might” than a “may”; but you get my point. There is darkness all around. All over. The streets, the cafés, the restaurants, the offices; every single place [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 11: LET IT BE. LET IT GO. DO NOT EXPECT. AND TRUST

The more you want to control something, the less power you have on it. The more you want to be noticed, the more invisible you turn. Some people like picking flowers from parks, some others prefer to smell them and keep walking. Me, I have no idea how to do any of those. I don’t [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 10: I AM NOT THE PERSON YOU NEED (YOU ARE NOT THE PERSON I NEED)

It is said that words can be lethal. A poison that does not terminate you right away; but rather rejoices in watching you while you close your eyes and let a tear, or a dry sigh, or a mute chest pain; out. It is said that once words come out of one’s mouth, there is [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 9: WHAT REALLY MATTERS

There is no Universal truth about it; this matter of “what matters” is plainly incongruous. As it turns out, what matters to me does not typically correlate with what I think that matters to me. There is a difference: the first is tied up to my gut feelings; the second, to my assumptions. My expectations. [...]