THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. PART II. DAY 8: THE UNHEALED HEART OF A MONSTER.

Hearts are a complicated matter. Physiologically speaking, of course. But I'm talking about the non-tangible aspect of it. As it is said, the heart is the place where feelings reside. Or should reside. Or better said, should awake. Feelings are learnt behaviours, they stay in the mind until they are triggered by an external event. [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 5: THE THINGS I COULDN’T DO FOR YOU

I may have dreamt it. I read somewhere that the brain cannot actually distinguish between real and fake memories, that in fact it treats them all as it is commanded to respond. So, if you really believe something happened when in reality it didn't, the brain will fully convince all of your consciousness that it [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 3: THE ONLY WAY OUT OF PAIN IS THROUGH IT

At least that's the only way I have ever known.There is no magical spell or prayer strong enough; or miracle or surprise.When it hurts, it hurts.And no matter how hard you try not to feel the pain; no matter how much you knock yourself down with over-sleeping, over-eating, over-thinking... the torment won't let you breathe.Each [...]

TONIGHT

Be quiet It's ok Embrace yourself tight Allow your tears flow And your fears come Allow to feel nothing And to break, To lose control Don't be scared to be fragile, my love You are one with your sorrow, yea that's right Stay quiet It's ok Silence brings healing Stay and wait, Stop and breathe [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 2: BEFORE THE CHAOS

I can’t really remember much. What was of me before the chaos? When exactly did the chaos start? I can’t remember. Maybe it’s because I don’t want to remember. Maybe it’s because my brain cannot distinguish between what really happened, what I felt that happened and what my nervous system kept inside its cells as [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN PART II. DAY 1: I WANT TO RUN AND HIDE

I’m not sure from who or where to run. I’m not sure where to hide. But that’s what I feel, and intense feeling of inadequacy. It is not worthlessness or lack of self-value. It’s unsuitability for the purpose of coexisting in this world. Or maybe for the “simple” fact of existing. I’m not sure. But [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 15: I’M AFRAID I WON’T SLEEP TONIGHT

That’s nothing new. Sleep has become just a yearning for me for the past ten years. It may actually be even longer than that, I lost count of the so many sleepless nights. My problem is that the World is designed in opposition to how my brain works. I just don’t fit in. My brain [...]

THE UNSPOKEN WITHIN. DAY 14: CREPEHANGER

No, I’m not talking about anything related to pancakes. I’m also not talking about the actions of demons or specters. I’m talking about this tendency to mostly feel unlit events in relation to people around me, including myself. What I’m trying to say is that this “Beautiful World” is, to my eyes, a different kind [...]